As what everybody does, always a closure writing about what they've done, achieved in the year that going to end or they wish-list and to-do-list in the coming new year. Here I am as well!
Looking backward, although i did not make a million in the year 2009; i was not promoted in a company; i did none big project to change the world; that is because i STILL do not have a job.. :P, but I've settled down in NL this piece of land; I've started a new live which was completely strange for me without friends and family and i overcome it with many new friends; I've learned dutch, although not perfect, but i am still pretty proud and happy with it that i managed to speak, write, listen and read relatively good within a very short half year time; I am getting married in less than 2 months time; I've signed prenup with my partner; I am teaching Chinese in a piece of land where not too many people can master this language (feel kinda proud and great as in passing the knowledge to other people); I can cook a lot a lot much better and of course more cuisines now; I've got my dutch driving license; And, I've got a dog - Fleur in NL here... Guess that's all i can recalled, although not big achievement, but it is for me!
There are always plenty of ups and downs in life, it does not matter! I believe after a rain showered, the sun will come out again with a beautiful rainbow. If there is no rain, we will never appreciate the sunny day; If there is no rain, we will never have the chance to see what is a rainbow.
Looking forward to the party on tomorrow at my beloved friend's house and wish we all have a good closure of year 2009 and a good beginning of year 2010 with no (or at least, not much) hangover!
Happy New Year!
Wednesday 30 December 2009
Thursday 26 November 2009
Persistent & Self-confident
The new dutch level - B2 really gives me a big challenge and new experience in my life. This level only started 3 weeks and i was and still am, riding a roller coaster everyday.
My self-confident drop to the lowest point in my life every time when i finished my class, but also rose up again whenever i converse in dutch with Jan and Jan's family. They always give compliments on my dutch improvement with clear pronunciation as well as good grammar, but when i am in this B2 class, i never experience the same compliment.
Within the 6 learning-dutch months, with the understanding of dutch, i am sometimes very impressed with my improvement in this, compare to 6 months ago when this language was still complete new and strange to me. That sort of boost up my confident in it that i am still me, but with the setback once and once given by the new lecturer in class, as well as the doubt from them on my learning ability, i wish i can have a big cry now to ease my wronged feeling. I am completely lost now, i should proud of my improvement as well as my learning ability, or should i ashamed of the incapable in it?
My self-confident drop to the lowest point in my life every time when i finished my class, but also rose up again whenever i converse in dutch with Jan and Jan's family. They always give compliments on my dutch improvement with clear pronunciation as well as good grammar, but when i am in this B2 class, i never experience the same compliment.
Within the 6 learning-dutch months, with the understanding of dutch, i am sometimes very impressed with my improvement in this, compare to 6 months ago when this language was still complete new and strange to me. That sort of boost up my confident in it that i am still me, but with the setback once and once given by the new lecturer in class, as well as the doubt from them on my learning ability, i wish i can have a big cry now to ease my wronged feeling. I am completely lost now, i should proud of my improvement as well as my learning ability, or should i ashamed of the incapable in it?
Tuesday 7 July 2009
Appreciation
Past few days was spending quite some quality time with two new friends i met in my dutch class. One was the exchange student from Japan for her Master degree thesis "Education in Netherlands" also the first Japanese exchange student in NL in her faculty, and the other one was Phd. holder in Literature from Cambridge as well as the Professor in University Utrecht. We talked a lot of things, from crap, to life as an Asian living in the European Country, to the politics, and etc etc. It was really a very quality 2 days we spent together. I really enjoyed the talk with them. They gave me the feeling to feel that i am me again after being out from the "society" so long. Or maybe i make myself feel that i had been left out since being jobless for so long, but good to know that i am still in "it".
Since living here and started my dutch class, i really enjoy making friends from around the world and shares our cultures with each other as well as sharing the thoughts. Maybe being alone as a foreigner in a foreign country will allows each other to click with each other easily. I always feel good when a group of us sitting by the terrace, drinking, chatting and having fun with each other where that table actually consists of the local, the nearby European countries, America, middle east, til SEA nationalities. Yet still in harmony and in fact a lot of fun in it.
That sometimes give me a lot of thought, why there is still war? Why what is happening in XinJiang or Israel now is still occurs? Maybe if there is more people with a little bit more generous and trying to be more understanding as well as giving a little bit more respect to each other, this world will be better.
Anyway, leave that aside, imagine if i am still living in my home country, what improvement in life will I be now? Interesting..
Since living here and started my dutch class, i really enjoy making friends from around the world and shares our cultures with each other as well as sharing the thoughts. Maybe being alone as a foreigner in a foreign country will allows each other to click with each other easily. I always feel good when a group of us sitting by the terrace, drinking, chatting and having fun with each other where that table actually consists of the local, the nearby European countries, America, middle east, til SEA nationalities. Yet still in harmony and in fact a lot of fun in it.
That sometimes give me a lot of thought, why there is still war? Why what is happening in XinJiang or Israel now is still occurs? Maybe if there is more people with a little bit more generous and trying to be more understanding as well as giving a little bit more respect to each other, this world will be better.
Anyway, leave that aside, imagine if i am still living in my home country, what improvement in life will I be now? Interesting..
Thursday 2 July 2009
Summer 2009
What a special summer!
Lately too many of my friends having problem with their life. Not small problem, but real big problem.
Just not long ago, maybe days ago heard one of the friend got a job and that job actually kinda help to solve her fiancee financial problem, was indeed very happy for her and of course after the problem arousing her for quite sometimes, she is all back to the happy and full of crap girl again.
I was very tired last night, first of all, a Japanese friend of mine suddenly kick out by student house personel and was so lost and helpless. And Jan was trying to call up the student house to ask for exception for a pity lonely Japanese in NL but still not acceptable. Finally arranged everything for her and fixed a date and time to pick her up from student house and come to my house to stay till she back. I am very sad for her that she was thinking to spend a little bit longer time in NL before she has to back to Japan, but all these heartless personel make her has to change the flight ticket date to go back almost 3 weeks earlier, what a last "good" impression they gave i was thinking! Anyway, it is good that now her problem is solved though. At least one friend's problem is delisted from my list.
But happy thing seems do not last long in this beginning of summer. Just not more than a minute i was happily thought problem solved, another worse shock came to me. A very very close friend told me, early in the morning, she is leaving her husband! She was MIA for weeks from all of her friends which is not really her things, but due to the summer holiday was approaching and everybody busy finishing the assignments, included she, just thought she was really complete drowned with assignments. although normally she won't be too keen working so hard on her work... a girl that is so independent, strong, confident all the time, suddenly told you that she is completely fxucked up herself, that really scared my axx off with plenty plenty of worries. The more she told me about herself, the more worry it came in me. When the moment i saw she was completely collapsed, lost and helpless, my heart was bleeding and tears was in my heart. I couldn't allow myself to be weak in front of her for a second moment, because she need someone there to be with her and to guide her as well as to consult her. I was glad that she was feeling better and more aware of what she should do and talk to her husband before i leave her. And all the worries was in me the entire evening. But relieved to heard she had a very calm and good talk with her husband and her husband being very supportive and positive with what she want of being alone for a short while.
This morning the first thing came into my mind was how is this friend doing now? Quickly get all the things i supposed to complete in the morning done, and just can't wait to rush to her to assure she is alright with everything. I must say i was so happy for what i seen today from her. I have all the faith and positive that this marriage is going to work out great again very soon! BUT..... again happy thing never last long in this beginning of summer.
Another message came in, same as just the relief of a problem of friend solved, after maybe not even one minute, another friend said her husband just walked out from the 9 years marriage! I am completely burn out now from all the none stop problems happened in my friends! I hope there is no more coming in after this! I feel very very sad to see these happened on my friends. Please.. really no more! This summer holiday supposed to be a boring holiday for me before i back to my home country.. although i know i complaint about how am i going to pass through this boring holiday, and now i rather to get back the boring holiday instead of all the drama happens in my friends!
Lately too many of my friends having problem with their life. Not small problem, but real big problem.
Just not long ago, maybe days ago heard one of the friend got a job and that job actually kinda help to solve her fiancee financial problem, was indeed very happy for her and of course after the problem arousing her for quite sometimes, she is all back to the happy and full of crap girl again.
I was very tired last night, first of all, a Japanese friend of mine suddenly kick out by student house personel and was so lost and helpless. And Jan was trying to call up the student house to ask for exception for a pity lonely Japanese in NL but still not acceptable. Finally arranged everything for her and fixed a date and time to pick her up from student house and come to my house to stay till she back. I am very sad for her that she was thinking to spend a little bit longer time in NL before she has to back to Japan, but all these heartless personel make her has to change the flight ticket date to go back almost 3 weeks earlier, what a last "good" impression they gave i was thinking! Anyway, it is good that now her problem is solved though. At least one friend's problem is delisted from my list.
But happy thing seems do not last long in this beginning of summer. Just not more than a minute i was happily thought problem solved, another worse shock came to me. A very very close friend told me, early in the morning, she is leaving her husband! She was MIA for weeks from all of her friends which is not really her things, but due to the summer holiday was approaching and everybody busy finishing the assignments, included she, just thought she was really complete drowned with assignments. although normally she won't be too keen working so hard on her work... a girl that is so independent, strong, confident all the time, suddenly told you that she is completely fxucked up herself, that really scared my axx off with plenty plenty of worries. The more she told me about herself, the more worry it came in me. When the moment i saw she was completely collapsed, lost and helpless, my heart was bleeding and tears was in my heart. I couldn't allow myself to be weak in front of her for a second moment, because she need someone there to be with her and to guide her as well as to consult her. I was glad that she was feeling better and more aware of what she should do and talk to her husband before i leave her. And all the worries was in me the entire evening. But relieved to heard she had a very calm and good talk with her husband and her husband being very supportive and positive with what she want of being alone for a short while.
This morning the first thing came into my mind was how is this friend doing now? Quickly get all the things i supposed to complete in the morning done, and just can't wait to rush to her to assure she is alright with everything. I must say i was so happy for what i seen today from her. I have all the faith and positive that this marriage is going to work out great again very soon! BUT..... again happy thing never last long in this beginning of summer.
Another message came in, same as just the relief of a problem of friend solved, after maybe not even one minute, another friend said her husband just walked out from the 9 years marriage! I am completely burn out now from all the none stop problems happened in my friends! I hope there is no more coming in after this! I feel very very sad to see these happened on my friends. Please.. really no more! This summer holiday supposed to be a boring holiday for me before i back to my home country.. although i know i complaint about how am i going to pass through this boring holiday, and now i rather to get back the boring holiday instead of all the drama happens in my friends!
Wednesday 10 June 2009
Swimming
Lately re-watches an old TVB drama series which is about swimming. From kid i was already a big water sports lover, any sports relates to water i will always wanted to learn and master the skills. I remember i started to learn swimming when i was 10 years old (if not mistaken) together with my brother and a tenant in a sport central at Malaysia. Since then swimming became a very serious sport for me. This drama series give me another stronger passion to swim better and faster with all the techniques been mentioned in the show. Tried it today, well, it really works but maybe stamina not too good, so only managed to swim 5 laps and needed the rest in order to fulfil my everytime quota in swimming.
Water... give me the very calm and relax feeling whenever i am under the water. The World become so peaceful! Especially when it is in the under world while diving, i feel so tiny like living in an aquarium. The picture it gave is like a diver's ornament in a sea water aquarium with plenty of rocks (walls) surrounded by all the fishes and i was the ornament!
Gosh, i miss diving and i want to dive in very soon!!!
Water... give me the very calm and relax feeling whenever i am under the water. The World become so peaceful! Especially when it is in the under world while diving, i feel so tiny like living in an aquarium. The picture it gave is like a diver's ornament in a sea water aquarium with plenty of rocks (walls) surrounded by all the fishes and i was the ornament!
Gosh, i miss diving and i want to dive in very soon!!!
Saturday 6 June 2009
Life update
Sometimes reading back the blog of mine, which actually reminds me about my thought for certain moments, and which included how i grows from time to time.
Today's weather is very good, around 16 degree Celsius. I loves weather like this, with a little sunshine and some wind. Hope every day like this weather then everyday is good day. But if everyday is a good day, would you know what is "better"? Like what my partner always say: During Spring, there is always 2 days good weather and then the rest of the days would be shitty weathers; So when the arrival of Summer, you will fully appreciate the sun everyday.
Last time i always tease at people, especially old ones. All they talk everyday besides weather, still weather. But living in such a shitty weather country, i suddenly realized i becoming one of them who can't live without complaining the weather. Maybe this is just what you can't escape when you are here. Sigh..
Lately started to learn how to cook Chinese food, which have to thank for a blogger who keep posting her recipe on her blog, and the recipe mostly are all the food you can easily get in Malaysia. After all the experiments, the outcome was pretty impressive i have to say! Now my cravings in food is lesser i think.
Looking back a year ago before living in Indonesia, i don't even know how to cook the simplest food - fried rice (which is bit ashamed though). Every guai lou expect i can cook Chinese food, but all i can tell them was " Sorry, i don't know how to cook Chinese, only western cuisine" .. Malunya! :) Anyway, i am better now as how my dutch learning going. Elke dag een beetje beter dan elke dag!
Oh.. was very happy and sort of proud of myself with my dutch improvement. Within 6 weeks time, i can actually express myself in dutch with proper sentence and daily conversation as doing pretty good with my partner at home too. Got quite a lot of praise from many people, one of the classmate actually thinks i am the best student in class, and also my future FIL said my pronunciation is very dutch, without the trace of a non-dutch way of speaking (which is what he mean by the "g" and "r"). Really very happy with all those compliments! When you worked really hard on something and you got some very possible feedbacks, that always feel like drinking free cocktails all night long - the 3H - Hyper Happy High!!!
Today's weather is very good, around 16 degree Celsius. I loves weather like this, with a little sunshine and some wind. Hope every day like this weather then everyday is good day. But if everyday is a good day, would you know what is "better"? Like what my partner always say: During Spring, there is always 2 days good weather and then the rest of the days would be shitty weathers; So when the arrival of Summer, you will fully appreciate the sun everyday.
Last time i always tease at people, especially old ones. All they talk everyday besides weather, still weather. But living in such a shitty weather country, i suddenly realized i becoming one of them who can't live without complaining the weather. Maybe this is just what you can't escape when you are here. Sigh..
Lately started to learn how to cook Chinese food, which have to thank for a blogger who keep posting her recipe on her blog, and the recipe mostly are all the food you can easily get in Malaysia. After all the experiments, the outcome was pretty impressive i have to say! Now my cravings in food is lesser i think.
Looking back a year ago before living in Indonesia, i don't even know how to cook the simplest food - fried rice (which is bit ashamed though). Every guai lou expect i can cook Chinese food, but all i can tell them was " Sorry, i don't know how to cook Chinese, only western cuisine" .. Malunya! :) Anyway, i am better now as how my dutch learning going. Elke dag een beetje beter dan elke dag!
Oh.. was very happy and sort of proud of myself with my dutch improvement. Within 6 weeks time, i can actually express myself in dutch with proper sentence and daily conversation as doing pretty good with my partner at home too. Got quite a lot of praise from many people, one of the classmate actually thinks i am the best student in class, and also my future FIL said my pronunciation is very dutch, without the trace of a non-dutch way of speaking (which is what he mean by the "g" and "r"). Really very happy with all those compliments! When you worked really hard on something and you got some very possible feedbacks, that always feel like drinking free cocktails all night long - the 3H - Hyper Happy High!!!
Monday 9 February 2009
To a friend
It's been long ago since my last post. Don't know being lazy or just busy. Blogging is a very emotional kinda thing for me, so most of the time when i have a very serious thought or the very sentimental kind of moment will urged me to blog.
So yes, i am blogging now. Wanted to update my blog many many times, but just seems so busy to do it especially when i am in KL. Wanted to blog my feeling on going to leave my home for a very long period and live in NL alone when Jan abroad; Wanted to blog my journey of 2008 and the experiences; Wanted to blog my thought in the next stage of life: Wanted to blog the readiness of bringing in a new life after the incident; Wanted to blog how ashamed i feel when Malaysia's politic discussion with foreigners; Wanted to blog my future in NL; Wanted to blog what i wish the most to do in the coming year, study or work: Wanted to blog the feeling of betrayed and revenge; Wanted to blog a lot a lot of things.. But after i read the blog of one of the rock climber friend of mine... here's my thought:-
He was (perhaps still is) the best rock climber in the rock climbing center that i went; He was a very good rafting leader; He was very good in almost all kind of extreme and adventurous games; He was very good in car racing yet you feel safe when sitting next to him; He was quiet but yet a good observer as well as listener; He was very helpful; He was ambitious; And he speaks and writes good english although he didn't study much. He was the climber that i was closest with during the rock climbing period.
He disappeared all in a sudden sometimes ago and when the moment i got his news again was the time my msn pop up the message which shown he is online as well as the title written something very negative by him. He had self-depression! Very coincidentally i was back in KL that time yet going to leave again very very soon. Worry was the first respond in me. I called him but never answer or reply my call. So i sms-ed him, and there his reply, but when ask for meet up, he went MIA again. Until one time we chat very long in msn and he got persuaded by me to meet me up. We had very long chat and immediately the next day he told me he had make the appointment with another psychiatric before i manage to help him to contact the psychiatric i known. He said because he can't wait any longer to let the emotion to depressed him anymore. After some time he told me he is going back to his parents, his business is in the planning in re-open, and his sister is helping him in his business. I was very very happy from the deep inside of my heart to see the improvement in him.
Not long ago, i saw his name is online in my msn list again and i knew he met an accident and should be quite serious. Everything guessed by me though. I didn't bother to ask him, because i was busy traveling as well as busy for nothing i believe. Till just now i read his blog, i can feel he is in very very deep confusion on his own again. He is in self-depression again. Not sure did it ever cured, but i know he is fighting very hard to being cured and get out from the depression. I don't know what else i can do to help him, i wish i can help him to be all happy like a normal human. But i don't know how.
Now i wonder, those people whom ended up their life because of some very stupid reasons but yet they had very normal and healthy life gifted by God, why never understand the meaning of appreciation? Whereas there are so many people whom are not as lucky and fortunate as them wanted to cherish their life and unable to live like a normal human being, yet they are fighting so hard against it and never give up.
I sincerely wish this friend (if you are reading it, you know who you are), never give up and keep fighting! I believe in you that you know how to appreciate your live. Do remember, you are not alone. You have all your friends included me and family by you! I know there is nothing i can help and you are the only one to help yourself, but I do have a pair of ears as well as a pair of eyes always there for you to support. I am not a religious type of person, but still..... may God bless you!
So yes, i am blogging now. Wanted to update my blog many many times, but just seems so busy to do it especially when i am in KL. Wanted to blog my feeling on going to leave my home for a very long period and live in NL alone when Jan abroad; Wanted to blog my journey of 2008 and the experiences; Wanted to blog my thought in the next stage of life: Wanted to blog the readiness of bringing in a new life after the incident; Wanted to blog how ashamed i feel when Malaysia's politic discussion with foreigners; Wanted to blog my future in NL; Wanted to blog what i wish the most to do in the coming year, study or work: Wanted to blog the feeling of betrayed and revenge; Wanted to blog a lot a lot of things.. But after i read the blog of one of the rock climber friend of mine... here's my thought:-
He was (perhaps still is) the best rock climber in the rock climbing center that i went; He was a very good rafting leader; He was very good in almost all kind of extreme and adventurous games; He was very good in car racing yet you feel safe when sitting next to him; He was quiet but yet a good observer as well as listener; He was very helpful; He was ambitious; And he speaks and writes good english although he didn't study much. He was the climber that i was closest with during the rock climbing period.
He disappeared all in a sudden sometimes ago and when the moment i got his news again was the time my msn pop up the message which shown he is online as well as the title written something very negative by him. He had self-depression! Very coincidentally i was back in KL that time yet going to leave again very very soon. Worry was the first respond in me. I called him but never answer or reply my call. So i sms-ed him, and there his reply, but when ask for meet up, he went MIA again. Until one time we chat very long in msn and he got persuaded by me to meet me up. We had very long chat and immediately the next day he told me he had make the appointment with another psychiatric before i manage to help him to contact the psychiatric i known. He said because he can't wait any longer to let the emotion to depressed him anymore. After some time he told me he is going back to his parents, his business is in the planning in re-open, and his sister is helping him in his business. I was very very happy from the deep inside of my heart to see the improvement in him.
Not long ago, i saw his name is online in my msn list again and i knew he met an accident and should be quite serious. Everything guessed by me though. I didn't bother to ask him, because i was busy traveling as well as busy for nothing i believe. Till just now i read his blog, i can feel he is in very very deep confusion on his own again. He is in self-depression again. Not sure did it ever cured, but i know he is fighting very hard to being cured and get out from the depression. I don't know what else i can do to help him, i wish i can help him to be all happy like a normal human. But i don't know how.
Now i wonder, those people whom ended up their life because of some very stupid reasons but yet they had very normal and healthy life gifted by God, why never understand the meaning of appreciation? Whereas there are so many people whom are not as lucky and fortunate as them wanted to cherish their life and unable to live like a normal human being, yet they are fighting so hard against it and never give up.
I sincerely wish this friend (if you are reading it, you know who you are), never give up and keep fighting! I believe in you that you know how to appreciate your live. Do remember, you are not alone. You have all your friends included me and family by you! I know there is nothing i can help and you are the only one to help yourself, but I do have a pair of ears as well as a pair of eyes always there for you to support. I am not a religious type of person, but still..... may God bless you!
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