To a friend

It's been long ago since my last post. Don't know being lazy or just busy. Blogging is a very emotional kinda thing for me, so most of the time when i have a very serious thought or the very sentimental kind of moment will urged me to blog.

So yes, i am blogging now. Wanted to update my blog many many times, but just seems so busy to do it especially when i am in KL. Wanted to blog my feeling on going to leave my home for a very long period and live in NL alone when Jan abroad; Wanted to blog my journey of 2008 and the experiences; Wanted to blog my thought in the next stage of life: Wanted to blog the readiness of bringing in a new life after the incident; Wanted to blog how ashamed i feel when Malaysia's politic discussion with foreigners; Wanted to blog my future in NL; Wanted to blog what i wish the most to do in the coming year, study or work: Wanted to blog the feeling of betrayed and revenge; Wanted to blog a lot a lot of things.. But after i read the blog of one of the rock climber friend of mine... here's my thought:-

He was (perhaps still is) the best rock climber in the rock climbing center that i went; He was a very good rafting leader; He was very good in almost all kind of extreme and adventurous games; He was very good in car racing yet you feel safe when sitting next to him; He was quiet but yet a good observer as well as listener; He was very helpful; He was ambitious; And he speaks and writes good english although he didn't study much. He was the climber that i was closest with during the rock climbing period.

He disappeared all in a sudden sometimes ago and when the moment i got his news again was the time my msn pop up the message which shown he is online as well as the title written something very negative by him. He had self-depression! Very coincidentally i was back in KL that time yet going to leave again very very soon. Worry was the first respond in me. I called him but never answer or reply my call. So i sms-ed him, and there his reply, but when ask for meet up, he went MIA again. Until one time we chat very long in msn and he got persuaded by me to meet me up. We had very long chat and immediately the next day he told me he had make the appointment with another psychiatric before i manage to help him to contact the psychiatric i known. He said because he can't wait any longer to let the emotion to depressed him anymore. After some time he told me he is going back to his parents, his business is in the planning in re-open, and his sister is helping him in his business. I was very very happy from the deep inside of my heart to see the improvement in him.

Not long ago, i saw his name is online in my msn list again and i knew he met an accident and should be quite serious. Everything guessed by me though. I didn't bother to ask him, because i was busy traveling as well as busy for nothing i believe. Till just now i read his blog, i can feel he is in very very deep confusion on his own again. He is in self-depression again. Not sure did it ever cured, but i know he is fighting very hard to being cured and get out from the depression. I don't know what else i can do to help him, i wish i can help him to be all happy like a normal human. But i don't know how.

Now i wonder, those people whom ended up their life because of some very stupid reasons but yet they had very normal and healthy life gifted by God, why never understand the meaning of appreciation? Whereas there are so many people whom are not as lucky and fortunate as them wanted to cherish their life and unable to live like a normal human being, yet they are fighting so hard against it and never give up.

I sincerely wish this friend (if you are reading it, you know who you are), never give up and keep fighting! I believe in you that you know how to appreciate your live. Do remember, you are not alone. You have all your friends included me and family by you! I know there is nothing i can help and you are the only one to help yourself, but I do have a pair of ears as well as a pair of eyes always there for you to support. I am not a religious type of person, but still..... may God bless you!